Jab We Met : Voldemort and Vader

Presenting, Darth Vader.  hssssssssh hsssssssssh

Bio : Originally Anakin Skywalker who fell prey to the wrong (read Dark) side of the Force. And later repented, but that is besides the point.
Weapons : Lightsaber. Custom form V specialist. make : Sith.
Finishing moves :  Force choke or Ripping off some body part with lightsaber, generally the head.
Strengths : highly trained Jedi knight, therefore gifted with extraordinary agility and intuition. Sith armour hand crafted by Sith workmen, is near impregnable. Unison with The Force.
Weakness : vulnerable to anything and everything once his respiratory mask his taken off. 
Presenting, Lord Voldemort.

Bio :  Originally Tom Marvolo Riddle. Greatest dark wizard of all time.
Weapons : Wand. 13½" (34.29cm) yew wood, with a phoenix feather core. Make : Ollivander's
Finishing moves : Avada Kedavra, the killing curse.
Strengths : greatest dark wizard of all time. Well versed in all possible enchantments, spells. Mastery over non-verbal spells. Flight.
Weakness : no armour as such.

So now imagine. A ring. The sort they have in WWE. And in that. Darth Vader with his lightsaber. And Lord Voldemort with his wand.


Lord Volemort's snake like eyes stare intently at Lord Vader. He breathes back in return. All is well. Vader's steady and deep breathing ... the only sound in the silent arena.

And suddenly Voldemort lashes out. "AVADA KEDAVRA"

A jet of green light shoots out of the end of his wand ... but Alas! All it takes is a well timed twirl of his lightsaber, and the green jet deflects harmlessly off Vader's red blade.

Vader's still breathing. Deep. Silent. Voldemort is ... no not furious. Rather he's perplexed. Was the Darth Vader mentioned in Sybill Trelawney's prophecy too? It made no sense. Or was the Darth Vader Harry Potter himself. His slit-like nostrils flared in ambiguity. OK, he had to get stuff clarified.

"Look. Dude ..."

"Silence. If you wish to address me, it shall be Lord Vader."

"Screw you, Vader. Listen ..."

Vader is taken aback. No one ever hasever dared to address him by anything except "Lord Vader" leave aside "Dude". Voldemort wouldn't be a Dopy-ite, or would he?

Voldemort goes on "Yeah so as I was saying. Are YOU the Chosen One too?"

Vader scratches his respirator. "Erm, Well. What IS a Chosen One? I was the one Obi Wan Kenobi chose to duel against, if that's what you mean."

"Ahh lite then."

There, Voldemort was definitely BITSian. No doubt about it. But still better be sure.

"Are you BITSian?" he asks, uncertainly.

"Lol. No. Am not." Voldemort gives his iconic maniacal and sinister laughter. "Just that, a lot of my fans are BITSians. The acad pressure is too much there I've heard, so they choose the Dark side."

"You mean, they choose the Dark Side of the Force?" Vader is now excited. Had it not been for the mask, he would probably have been visibly excited too.

"Force?" Voldemort asks, "What Force?"

Vader is incredulous. Inside his mask, his mouth opens wide. "You mean, you don't know what The Force is?"

"Oh, I get it. The thing in Star Wars comics kya? My fans like them too. :-) " Volemort's lips curl into a ghostly smile.

Vader breathes on. "Hmph"

A diversion here. Here a few pics depicting Darth Vader during his mood swings.

Darth Vader breathing.

Darth Vader taken aback.
Darth Vader visibly excited
Darth Vader mouth opened wide.
Coming back to the encounter.

Vader then asks. "Er ... Voldy, temme something ... erm .... do you have a nose?"

Voldemort is now visibly infuriated. Unlike Vader however, his facial changes are quite distinguishable. Here's how he replied.

"Oh. Cool! A flat nose. (Sigh) I wish I remembered, what my nose looks like. Damn Obi Wan Kenobi!"

Voldemort gives his hollow laughter. "Vader, " he asks. "You gotta agree ... your costume rocks man! I find my robes all slushy and ... old and all. Would die to get one like yours, man!"

Vader smiles. Yes Like this.
"Well, I don't like it much. I know it's strong and all ... cool also. But also kinda clumsy. In the end you gotta agree .. Jedis weren't trained to fight with this humongous piece of metal all over them. Yeah, you do get the supervillain attention, but still ... and by the way" Vader continues, " How did your nose become that flat. As in ... it was normal when you were Tom Riddle right?"

"Ahh, dude", Volemort sighs and answers, "that is a sad story, One of my Death Eaters. James Cameron. He made this movie called Titanic. A pretty sissy story involving love and a sinking ship ..."

Vader interrupts, "A SINKING ship? Our ships don't SINK. ROFL!!! Here take a look" and hands him a picture.

"Our ships," he continues, "are kick ass \m/  and that," he points at the picture, "is a Star Destroyer \m/ "

"You guys FLY in ships?"

"yeah, what else do you do in them? Waltz?" Vader snaps back.

"LMAO", Voldemort shrieks, "we fly on brooms!!! They are so much more cooler, and convenient. Though of course, I can just will to fly." he smirks and suddenly levitates himself.

"Wanna try?", he guffaws, "Wingardium leviosa" he points his wand at Vader and shouts.

Vader is lifted, and he shrieks out loud. Well this is how he shrieks.

Voldemort releases him and says, "So you want to know how I got this nose, eh?"

"That retarded Cameron, decided to make a scene involving me. I was to stand with my arms outstretched on the very front of the hull of the ship. Like this."

"The Aurors then decided to storm in ... bad timing, the spineless morons. They can't attack me up front huh? And one of them, decided to Stupefy me. And so I stood there for ages and ages. The winds lashed against my face and nose, and eroded it. Sucks man."

Vader is bewildered. Yeah, like this :

"When did THAT happen?" he asks, uncertainly, and does this :

Suddenly there's a flourish. And a ringing laughter. And a new figure appears in the ring. And  Voldemort's and Vader's faces pale. Needless to say. Voldemort's face paled, more than what it generally is. And Vader's, yes, you guessed it right. It paled like this :

It was Him. "The He Who Must Not Be Named ... The Chosen One ... all put into one ..." Voldemort breathed.

Vader breathed harder ... "The Jedi who ate the Force ... that's Him too."

A few moments of silence. Then Voldemort shouts. "RUN!!!!" Vader follows without a second thought. 

But suddenly the new entrant points at them and talks. And this is what happens.

Yes you guessed it right.


Unknown said…
Chuck NORRIS FTW!!!!


Loved it ,, especially the climax...... but i must say, i saw that coming!!
Jit said…
good one:D
Anonymous said…
haha!! fuck dude!! love ur non-sensical posts way way more than the other ones :D :D hahaha...flat nose..n den 'are you d chosen one too'...n den vader's "expressions" evrytime :P :P hahahaha...roflmao!!!!! shudve read this one b4 :D awsummmmmm!!!!!